I am a dynamic photographer, often seen shooting from the hip and asking questions later. I have been known to re-design lenses on my lunch breaks, in order to make them more acoustically efficient. I write award-winning product descriptions for strobe triggers. I manage time efficiently. I mesmerize subjects with my rhythmic and transcendent shutterclicks. I can shoot whilst driving at high speed and I do thirty minute retouches in twenty minutes. I am an expert in light metering, a veteran in battery charging and an outlaw in Wex. Using only a point-n-shoot and a large scrim, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. When I’m bored, I construct replica Victorian field cameras in my garden. I’m an abstract artist, a quantitative analyst and an utterly ruthless creative. Critics worldwide swoon over my personal work. Last summer I toured Kyrgyzstan with a travelling demonstration of quantum colour calibration. My deft selects have earned me fame in international curating circles. Children trust me. I can manually pull focus with deadly accuracy. I once shot two campaigns and a look-book in one day and still had time to visit IKEA. I have performed several covert photographic reconnaissance operations for MI5. Newtons laws of light do not apply to me. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact film loading. I have created extraordinary fine art masterpieces using only a pin camera and a tablecloth. I have won underwater shoot-offs in Australia, extreme compositing competitions in Sri Lanka and photo-duels at the Kremlin. I have shot Hamlet, I have performed lensless capture, and I have seen the light...
but I have not yet shot your product.
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